The grieving process was difficult to say the least and there were so many weeks that it physically hurt my body to draw breath. I never realized how physical emotional pain can be until mom’s death. Light would hurt my eyes and I needed to wear sunglasses everywhere… even indoors. The sounds that normally brought joy to my ears actually hurt them and even listening to the radio on low volume was too painful for my sensitive ears. It is as if my senses were heightened to a level of sensitivity that caused my entire body pain. I remember one day realizing that I was breathing and my body no longer hurt to do so…. that was a big moment for me. As the weeks turned into months and finally years, I was able to see the world through a different pair of lenses.
The grief I experienced had been so deep that I felt it crumbled my soul to its foundation and somehow God needed to rebuild it brick by brick. I no longer felt the same way as I did before mom’s death. I worried less about the trivial things, and I spoke less and listened more. It somehow felt easier to live because I saw the world differently than I had before. Life felt easier and happier since I relished the moments of joy more than I had before mom’s death. As the years progressed, I realized that time really does have a way of some wounds. Looking back on my journey through my God whispers, I realized I could not change the past however, I could mold my future. I promised myself that I would never ignore my God whispers again. It didn’t matter how frightened I was about doing what God spoke into my soul to do… I would always honor my God whispers. Little did I realize then what my God whispers would become.
One afternoon I was experiencing change in my life from moving cities, changing jobs, and feeling the insecurity of all the transitions. I finally had enough and literally broke down, fell to my knees and began sobbing. I was begging God to please show me my truth. I felt I had been praying and not hearing anything in response and it frightened me. As I cried out to God, with tears streaming down my face, I suddenly saw the word WRITE in bold white letters across my mind. It startled me enough for me to stop sobbing and catch my breath. Still on my knees, I closed my eyes again and saw the same word written across a black background…. WRITE.
As shocked as I was, I got to my feet and walked over to the computer that was sitting just a few feet away from me on a table. Sitting down, I remember mumbling to myself that I can’t believe I pray so hard to God and all I get is to write. As I sat down begrudgingly at the computer, I asked God, “so what do you want me to write about?” Suddenly, I felt a warm feeling cover my entire body, as if someone placed a blanket over my head and just draped every square inch of my being with warmth and love. This feeling was so incredible that I literally closed my eyes and just sat in silence feeling the peace and love that was permeating my entire soul. As I breathed in and out I suddenly saw words filling my mind. They were coming in so fast, it felt as if someone was downloading information into my brain but I could hardly read it fast enough to keep up.
As I watched these words fill my mind, I realized that I heard tapping on my keyboard. It was me! My fingers were typing so quickly that I didn’t stop to look at what I was typing. Instead I closed my eyes and focused on the words coming into my mind and the feeling of love and comfort I was experiencing as I was typing them. I must have typed for over an hour, because when I opened my eyes again, I saw pages of words written out by me!
From that moment on, I dedicated time every day to writing the words that began coming into my mind and from those words, I wrote the book “Through the Eyes of Truth – A Conversation with God about My Life, Your Life, & Discovering Our Purpose.”
This book was literally the answer to my prayer when I asked God to show me my truth. After completing the book and editing it myself, I decided to self-publish it on Amazon and create an audio book which is available on Audibles. Through the Eyes of Truth has been a book I read every day, even though I wrote it I have applied the principles to my life and have lived a blessed life ever since. I felt this is the time to share my story. If you feel connected or inspired in any way, I would encourage you to order Through the Eyes of Truth – A Conversation with God About My Life, Your Life & Discovering Our Purpose. Many people have told me the audio version is easier to understand, so I would encourage you to begin with that version. My prayer is that you connect to your God whispers and experience a deeper relationship with God than you have known before.