Would you recognize the voice of God speaking into your soul? How can you tell if you are hearing your God whispers during prayer and throughout your day? I used to think that prayer was a time when I needed to thank God for my blessings and then scurry away to the hustle and grind of my daily life. As embarrassed as I am to admit it, I never had time to pray…. actually, I never MADE the time to pray. I was always too busy at work, running errands, and building relationships with my friends. It wasn’t until I realized one day that the most important relationship I needed to build in my life was with God. One afternoon during one of the darkest times of my life, I understood what it felt to listen to my God whispers… literally…
I have always prided myself on being a strong woman and my inner strength has always been built on the foundation of my relationship with God through prayer. As crazy as it sounds, it was always easy for me to hear the echoes of my God whispers since I was a child. I remember having conversations with God about anything and everything because I always knew Source was listening. The older I got, I replaced the time I spent alone in prayer and meditation with time hanging out with my friends and growing up. The more I focused on the noise of the world around me, the harder it became to hear my God whispers within me. I suppose this is true for anybody, as when we squander our gifts and choose not to develop them, we tend to lose them.
When my mom was battling breast cancer, I found it easier to replace time I had once dedicated to prayer to doing anything but pray. Looking back now, I realized I was angry that cancer had not only struck my mom once, but three different times. It wasn’t until September 11th when mom called me and informed me that after 10 years of being cancer free, she had stage 4 breast cancer. It had metastasized to her bones and had spread into her spine. When I heard those words, my heart dropped so hard and fast, it felt as if I was going to collapse. As I listened, mom explained to me that her cancer had gotten so bad, she had to have surgery where they would place a steel rod in her spine to prevent her neck from breaking if she turned too sharply. All of this was happening as she was diligently going to her doctor visits. Each time she went to the doctors, they told her they would watch it and keep an eye on it. Well, they did watch it as her cancer grew to the point where she had to have a 7-hour surgery with a team of 5 specialists.
As all of this was occurring, I didn’t know how to handle my fear and my disappointment. After all, I had been praying for mom and she was cancer free for 10 years. I truly thought she was past the point where her cancer would ever return. Unfortunately, it did return and with a vengeance. Not realizing how angry I became, I found it easier to cope with my anger by ignoring God. After all, how can a God who loves me and speaks clearly into my soul have the audacity to ignore my prayers for healing mom? Instead of asking God these questions and choosing to have conversations with Source, I chose to completely ignore him. As a matter of fact…. I literally said to God one day, “I’m done with you. I will never pray to you again.” Seeing these words now sounds so arrogant, but I was in such a state of fear that I suppose I needed to blame someone, so I chose to blame the one who was closest to me. Although in my mind I knew I was done with God….. I am forever grateful that Source was not done with me. As a matter of fact, God was just beginning to create my journey… (Read More on Part 2 Coming Soon)
Live inspired Miracle Workers!